Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Student of The Year

Student of The Year
"STUDENT OF THE YEAR"
Dear movie,

i did't have a Ferrari or Mercedes in my school days,

neither my school have acres of lands of campus...nd yeah a cool Disco too... And girls roaming around in
bikni...??

Hell no....!!
still my school days were awesome as hell... ♥ :) :)
so,

Mr. karan johar stop making such unrealistic movies as it can leave a wrong impression on the youth, making them to compare it
with their school days nd feel sick.

Monday, October 29, 2012

From The Day I Met You


Boy : From The Day I Met You,

I Have't Drank Or Smoked..

Girl : How Sweet Of You, You're Madly In Love With Me...

Boy- SHUT UPPPPPPPP...... .

You Made My Pockets Empty...!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Teacher To Student

Teacher To Student
Teacher: aaj tune fir homework
kyon nahi kiya?

Student = sir light nahi thi.

Teacher= to mombatti jala leta.

Student= sir machis nahi utha sakta tha,

Teacher= kyun be ?

Student= sir puja k ghar mein rakhi thi,

Teacher= to uthayi kyon nahi ?

Student= nahaya nahi tha sir.

Teacher- saale nahaya kyon nahi tha?

Student= paani nahi tha sir.

Teacher= abbey, paani kyon nahi tha?

Student -sir motar nahi chal rahi thi.

Teacher = Saale ab motar ko kya hua?

Student - Abbey Saale Pagla gaya hai kya ....

Kutte Kamine

Kitni baar bolun Saale ki light nahi thi.

Bimar Engineering student Se Mummy Boli

Bimar Engineering student Se Mummy Boli
Bimar Engineering student Se mummy Boli:-

Jaakar Janwar Ke Doctor Ko Dikha,

To Hi Theek Hoga..

Beta:- Aisa Kyon...??

Mummy: Roz Subah Murge Ki Tarah Uth Jata Hai,

Ghode ki tarah bhag k tution mein jata hai,

Sher ki tarah class mein dosto k sath masti karta hai,

suwar ki tarah yaha vahan assignment par muh marta hai,

gadhe ki tarah submission karta hai,

ghar akar sab pe kutte ki tarah bhokta hai,

raat ko ullu ki tarah jag ke facebook pe chat karta hai,

bhais ki tarah so jata hai..

aur
bhigi billi ki tarah 40 marks lata hai..

ISLIYE.

Tota To Maalik

Tota To Maalik
1 tota or uska maalik jahaaz mein safar kar
rahe the,

Airhosts Gujri to tote ne seeti baza di,

Airhosts ne muskra ke piche dekha ,,

To uske maalik ne bhi seeti baza di,

Airhosts ne complaint kar di,

elaan hua ke dono ko jahaaz se niche phenk
do,,,

darwaaze par tota malik se bola;

Uddna aunda aa?

Malik: nahi,,,,

Tota: fer aapni maa nu chedeyaa kyu c....

Friday, October 26, 2012

Double Meaning Joke

Double Meaning Joke
Double meaning joke . . .

Pappu Aur Uski Girlfriend Ek Din School Ke Ground Mein Bethe The
.
Girlfriend Ne Kuch sochte Hue Pappu Se Puchha:

“ Yaar,Ye Lal Killa Lal Kyun Hai? ”

Pappu Bhi Majak Ke Mood Mein Tha Bola.

“ Kyunki, Rajnikant Ne Paan Kha Kar Us Par Pichkari Maari Thi,
.
Ab Ye Mat Puchhna Ki Taj Mahal Safed Kyun Hai ?

Thursday, October 25, 2012

What Engineering Taught Me

What Engineering Taught Me
What Engineering taught me? [A must read]

1. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

2. I used 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+X

3. I learnt to say three very imp words for life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir
* I'll Just Do That sir
4. When I really wanted to study, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up late
* Sleep early
* Continue to continue to watch series/play games

5. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For 5 Days
* Wait For the Weekend

6. I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

7. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* Diwali
* Holi

8. In last 4 years, People say:-
* You made friends for a lifetime..
* You lived a life which was out of the world...
* You Enjoyed...

9. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived..

3 Boys Proposed a Girl


3 boys proposed a girl
.
1st: Main tumhare liye apni jaan de sakta hu.
.
Girl: Wo to sab kehte hain
.
2nd: Main tumhare liye chand tare tod kar la sakta hu.
.
Girl: Purana dailouge hai.
.
3rd: Main tumhari ACTIVA mein Roz 1 ltr Petrol dalwaunga.
.
Girl: Ankho mein aansu ke saath Pagal itna chahta hai mujhe.

Aap Ka Mobile Bohat Acha Hai


Girl: Aap Ka Mobile Bohat Acha Hai Kitney ka Liya?

Boy: Race competition Mein Jeeta Hai.

Girl: Wow! Race Mein Kitne Log The?
.
Boy: 3 Police Wale, 1 Mobile Shop Wala Or Main.

American Kids on Eiffel Tower


American kids on eiffel Tower. "
Wow, what a beautiful view."

Indian kids on eiffel tower.
"Chal dekhte hai kiski thook pehle neeche girti hai.."
aaakkk thuuuu..!!

Ek College ke Kuch Ladke

Ek College ke Kuch Ladke
Ek college ke kuch ladke Roz ek hotel mein jate aur Ek waiter ko khoob pareshan karte the.

Ek din unhe apni galti ka ehsaas hua aur Unhone waiter ko 10 rupaye Tip dekar maafi mangi, Sorry bhai Aaj ke baad hum tumhe Kabhi pareshan nahi krenge."

Waiter khush hokar bola

Thanx bhai, Main bhi waada karta hoon Ki aaj ke baad aap logo ki coffey mein THUKA nahi karunga.

Santa Train Mein ek Seat Par Akela Leta Tha

Santa Train Mein ek Seat Par Akela Leta Tha
Ladka train mein ek seat par akela leta tha
.
Ek aadmi aaya aur bola:- bhai thoda side mein ho jaiye mujhe bhi baithna hai.
.
Ladka:- tujhe pata hai main kaun hu..??
.
Aadmi darr ke dusri jagah baith gaya
.
phir ek pahalwan aaya aur bola:- side mein ho ja chotu mujhe baithna hai.
.
Ladka:- abe oye tujhe pata hai main kaun hu.
.
Pahalwan ne ladke ki gardan pakad ke utha liya aur bola:- haan bol tu kaun hai.....??
.
Ladka:- ji main " Bimaar " hu.. 2 din se tezz bukhar hai.

Ladki To Maa

Ladki To Maa
Larrki: Ammi main shaadi nahi karun gi or agar zabardasti tum ne meri shadi ki to ghar sy bhaag jaungi.

Maa rote huwy boli: beti maa ne bhaag ke tere abba ke saath shaadi ki,
teri khala or behen ny bhi bhag ke shaadi ki, tera bhai nokrani ke sath
or
tera chacha dhoban ke sath bhag gaya,
teri phopho sabzi waly ke sath
or
cousin doodh waly ke sath bhag gai,
tera baap 2 bar parrosan ke sath bhag chuka hai,
ab tu bhi bhag jaye gi to..

Hamari kya izzat reh jayegi,
kuch khayal kar.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Waheguru

Waheguru
WAHEGURU (ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ)ੴ
W = ਵੱਡਾ
A = ਆਣ ਬਾਣ-ਸ਼ਾਨ ਦਾ ਰਾਖਾ
H = ਹਰ ਇਕ ਦਾ ਸਾਝਾਂ
E = ਇਕੋ....ਇੱਕ
G = ਗਰੀਬਨਵਾਜ਼
U = ਉਤਪਤੀ ਕਰਨ ਵਾਲਾ
R = ਰੋਮ-ਰੋਮ ਵਿੱਚ ਵਸਣ ਵਾਲਾ
U = ਉਸ ਤੋ ਵੱਡਾ ਕੋਇ ਨਹੀ ੴ"Satnaam Sri Waheguru Ji"ੴ

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Bechare Ladke

Bechare Ladke
Bechare Ladke..:P
.
Ladki par hath uthay to zalim,
.
Ladki se pit jaye to namard, .
.
Ladki ko kisi ke sath dekh kar lade to jealous,
.
Chup rahe to begairat,
.
Ghar se bahar rahe to awara,
.
Ghar me rahe to nakara,
.
Bachcho ko dante to buzdil,
.
Na dante to laparwah,
.
Biwi ko naukri se roke to shakki mizaz,
.
Na roke to biwi ki kamai khane wala.
.
Aakhir Bechara Ladka Kare To Kya kare.........??

Tumhari Umar Kya Hai


Boy to Girl:Tumhari Umar kya hai?

Girl:20 years

Boy: tum ne to 5 saal pehle bhi yahi batayi thi?

Girl: dekha ladkiyan zubaan ki kitni pakki hoti hain..

1 Chudail ne 60 Saal ke Shaadi Shuda Jode se

1 Chudail ne 60 Saal ke Shaadi Shuda Jode se
1 Chudail ne 60 saal ke shaadi shuda jode se kaha Main tum dono ki
1-1 wish puri kar sakti hun.

Wife > Main apne pati ke saath sari duniya ki sair karna chahti hun..

chudail ne charkhi ghumai 2 tickts aa gayi .

Fir pati se poocha tum batao kya chahte ho ??

Pati> Mujhe apne se 30 saal choti wife chaiye.. !

Chudail ne charkhi ghumai or pati ko 90 saal ka kar diya

Moral- Aadmi ko yaad rakhna chahiye ke chudail bhi aurat hi hoti hai.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Maa To Beta

Maa To Beta
MAA: Beta Agar Meri Ankhein Kharab Ho jaye to tum kya karo ge?
.
Beta: Maa tumhein sheher le jau ga wahan ilaaz karwaonga .
.
MAA: Agar phir bhi theek na hui to?
.
Beta: Maa main paisay kharch karun ga tumhain Dusre mulk le ja ker Ilaaz karwaon ga........
.
Maa hass padi
.
Beta: Acha Maa agar meri Ankhein kharab ho jayen to tum kya karogi?
.
MAA : Mere LaL, main tujhe apni ankhein de dungi ..
.
No One is better than Mother!♥ !

Please take Care of Your Mother!♥ !

Friday, October 19, 2012

Ek Bacha Girl ko Kiss Karte Hue

Ek Bacha Girl ko Kiss Karte Hue
Ek bacha girl ko kiss karte hue dekh leta hai.

Bacha: mujhe bhi karne do Warna main aapke papa ko bata dunga.

Ladki: Le yaar tu bhi karle,
Bacha kafi try karta hai,
Par wo height mein kam reh jata hai,

Baccha pareshan ho kar.
.
“Bhaar mein gayi duniyadari”

Jo kaam galat hai..
Wo galat hai..
Main to bataunga!!

Ek Indian or Ek American Dono Dost The

Ek Indian or Ek American Dono Dost
The
Ek Indian or Ek American dono dost
the…..

Dono ek din ek chocolate store mein gaye…

Waha sab logo ko busy dekhkar American ne 3 chocolate chura Li..

Jab dono bahar aaye to American bola:
"Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat
that"

Indian replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"

So they went to the counter and Indian
said to the Shop boy:-
"Do you wanna see magic?

" Shop boy replied: "Yes."
Indian said: "Give me one chocolate bar."

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.

He asked for the second, and he ate
that as well.

He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic?"

Indian replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them."

U cant beat an Indian :)
East or the west, India is the best;)

A Couple Never Fought in 25Yrs

A Couple Never Fought in 25Yrs
A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!
.
A friend asked - How did U make it possible??
.
Husband - We went 2 Shimla for our Honeymoon, While Horse riding.

My Wife's Horse jumped & my wife fell down,
she got up, patted the
Horse's back & said "Dis is your 1st time"
.
After a while, it happened again. She said "dis is your 2nd time" &
.
When it happened the 3rd time, she took out a gun & shot the horse.
.
I shouted, U psycho, U killed the horse.
.
She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st time". &

Since then we are very happy.

Ek Minister Ki Biwi

Ek Minister Ki Biwi
Ek Minister Ki Biwi Bahut Hi Sunder Aur Sexy Thi.

Ek Din Minister Ka Na jane Kya Mood Bana Or Usne Patni Ko Bulaya Aur Puchha.

Minister: “Sach Sach Batao Tumne Hamare Saath Kitni Baar Bewafayi Ki Hai?”

Patni Kuch Soch Ke Boli: “Ji Sirf 3 Baar”

Minister Man Hi Man Mein Khush Hua Ki Chalo Itni Sexy Hone Ke Baad Bhi Sirf 3 Baar Hi Bewafayi Ki,

Fir Bhi Usne Pucha
Minister: “Kab Kab”

Patni: “Ek Bar Jab Aapke Dil Ka Operation Hua Tha To Main shehar Ke Sabse Bade Dr. Ko Manane Gayi Thhi”

Minister: “Hmm”

Patni: “Agli Bar Jab Aap Jail Mein Band The Aur Rihayi Ke Koi Chances Na The To Judge Ke Pass Gayi thi”

Minister: “Aur Teesri Bar”

Patni Sharmate Hue: “Jab Aapko Sarkar Banani Thi Aur Aapke Paas 76 MLAs Kam the.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

A Engg. Student's GF Asked Him

A Engg. Student's GF Asked Him
A Engg. Student's GF asked him: kya exam mein 1 ya 2 baar back aane se degree ki value kam ho jaati hai???

Engg. Student ne apni pocket se 500 ka note nikala or pucha iski kya value hai ???

GF- Rs.500

Engg. Student ne use mutthi mein mod ke pucha ab ???

GF-500

Then he crushed the note with his foot & asked again....

GF-500

Engg Student jaanu hum enGineer bhi isi 500 ke note ki tarah hote hain, humein kitna bhi ragad lo hamari value kam nhi hogi:p

Agree??

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Mere Paas 3 Gas Cylinder Connection Hai


Boy to Girl - i love you

Girl- shakal dekhi hai apni....??

Boy - shakal pe mat ja mere paas 3 gas cylinder connection hai.. aur khud ka petrol pumb hai.
.
Girl:- awww...I love you too.

There is Nothing More Expensive

There is Nothing More Expensive
There is nothing more expensive than a female tear

When a single drop comes out,

it first mixes with "loreal" eyeliner and "Dior" mascara ;)
.
then when it comes down to cheek....

it mixes with D&G blusher :)

and in case it touches the lips,,

it gets mixed with "Maybelline" lipstick
this means that a single dropis worth at least Rs.1500.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

You Know I Broke my Engagement


Girl: You know I broke my engagement with Jay.

Friend: Why What happened?

Girl: You see, my feelings are changed completely
from what they were when I accepted him...

Friend: but why are you still wearing the ring?

Girl: Oh... My feelings towards the diamond ring are just the same !!!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Reactions of KISSING

Reactions of KISSING in various Countries

America: - Kiss me hard !

France: - Kiss me Slowly !

In India
.
Jaldi karo koi aa jayega.

English na Aane ka Nuksaan


English na aane ka nuksaan!

Boyfriend apni girlfriend se:
Darling Are u free tonight.......? ?

GF: Haramkhor! Free ke bacche Aaj se pehle kabhi paise liye hai
tujhse......?.?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

When a Guy Adds You on Facebook


Dear girls -

when a guy adds you on fb it means he wants to b your friend not ur husband,..

that's why its called a frnd request not a proposal !!!. ...

and when a guy likes ur status he likes your status, has not trying to impress u or flirt with u ...

when a guy likes ur picture, that means he likes ur picture not* YOU* .. .

Enlarged version of the public service msg by
* BOYS * ...

go ahead nd make this ur status guys ...

let Them all know the facts.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend Room Mein

Boyfriend and Girlfriend Room Mein
Boyfriend and Girlfriend room mein khamosh baithe they*

Gf ki soch :
1- Kyun ye mujhse baat ni kar raha?
2- Kya ye dusri ladki k bareyme soch raha hai?
3- Kya ye kisi or ko chahta hai?
4- Kya isne mere chehre pe wrinkles dekhe hain?
5- Kya mai MOTI ho gai hun!.
.
Bf ki soch : Yaar saala Petrol Kitna Mehnga Ho Gaya hai?

Guru Nanak Mera

Guru Nanak Mera
Guru Nanak Mera___
Guru Nanak Tera___
Guru Nanak Rab Da___
Guru Nanak Sab Da ____
Guru Nanak Hirdia Ch ___
Guru Nanak Chogrdia Ch ___
Guru Nanak Sikh Panth Ch ___
Guru Nanak Guru Granth Ch ____
Guru Nanak Garib Da ___
Guru Nanak Ameer Da ___
Guru Nanak Othe Jithe Ohda Bhagat A___
Guru Nanak Othe Jithe Chalda Guru Shabad A___
JAppo SArey WAHEGURU =)
*.*.* waheguru ji ka"KHALSA" waheguru ji ki"FATEH" *.*

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Medical V/s Engineering College Students

Medical V/s Engineering College Students
Engineering and medical college principals argued that their students are fearless.
.
medical college principal called students and asked 2 jump in sea full of sharks.

Dey jumped
Principal said: see the guts
.
Engineering college Principal called the students & told them 2 jump
.
students: abe pagal ho gaya hai kya takle..??

Principal: see the guts..!!

Jatt To Sales Girl

Jatt To Sales Girl
MUST READ
JATT : Mujhe Dog Food lena hai.

SALES GIRL: Kya aapke pas Kutta hai?

JATT : Haan ghar pe hai.

SALES GIRL : Sorry! Store policy hai ke zarurat dekh kar item sale karo.

NEXT DAY
JATT :Mujhe Cat Food lena hai.

SALES GIRL : Sorry Sir pehle Billi la ke dekhao.

3 din bad JATT bag le ke store aya aur bola:
Bag mein hath dal ke sabot dekh lo.

SALES GIRL haath dal ke boli:
Koi Garm, Geeli aur Mulayum chez hai. Kiya hai?

JATT : Ye meri TaTTi hai, 0r mujhe aaj"TOILET PAPER lena hai..:P

Friday, October 12, 2012

Ek Baar Pappu Bank Mein Gaya

Ek Baar Pappu Bank Mein Gaya
Ek baar pappu bank mein gaya

Kamino mere ko A/C kholna hai..

Lady:- Tameez se baat kijiye,

Pappu: Tameez ki maa ki ankh, account kon kholega wo bata,

Lady manager ko complaint karne gayi.

Manager:- kyu batameezi kar rahe ho,

Pappu: Batameezi ki maa ki ankh, meri 2 crore ki lottery lagi hai, batao account kaun kholega,

Manager: arrey sir aap bhi kaha is chudail se baat kar rahe ho, main yaha kya aisi tesi krwane betha hun, plzz come sir .. PLzz

Paisa bolta hai boss :

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Wife Comes Home Late at Night

Wife Comes Home Late at Night
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.

Hope you have said hello to them.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A Young Banker Decided

A Young Banker Decided
A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."
"Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Monday, October 8, 2012

Two Boys in West Indies


Two boys are very good friends. Both are jobless and one day first one asks to other plz" help me to get some good Job. Other says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.

Both have received call letter for job but, the job is in West Indies.

On interview day, first one says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”

So, first one goes in.

EMPLOYER: When did we get Independence?

BOY 1: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: OK. What’s India’spopulation?

BOY 1: (He was not to reply the last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you, Sir.

Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to other boy.

BOY 2 remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in now.

EMPLOYER: When were you born?

BOY 2: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER (Now quite upset): Are you mad Mr.?

BOY: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

When The Body Was First Made

When The Body Was First Made
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story: You don'tneed brains to be a boss - any asshole will do.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Friday, October 5, 2012

Ek Din Ek Ladke Ki Girlfriend


Ek din ek ladke ki girlfriend ka BIRTHDAY tha.

Boy was not in that city.

So, he ordered 24 RED ROSE for her girlfriend.

He called her up. Dear maine tumhare liye utne ROSE bheje hain jitni saal ki tum ho gayi ho.

While delivering florist thought:

Ye aaj ka mera sabse achha customer hai.

Chalo ise 10 ROSE FREE mein de deta hu.

So, he gave 34 instead of 24.

aur

aaj tak ladka nahi samajh paya ki uska BREAK- UP kyu hua..!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

So Finally its Over

So Finally its Over
So, finally its over.

The whole world needed run rate to defeat us.

They never had the guts to defeat us
'aamne samne'.

We won 4 out of 5 matches!!!

We made England and
Pakistan look like
chicken.

We gifted England their
lowest T20 score
ever.

We made sure that our
record against Pakistan in a world cup was intact.

We proved again that SA is the ultimate
choker.

We played like a champion.

We played till the last ball.
We rocked.
Bleed Blue!
CHAK DE INDIA ♥
India Forever ♥

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

What is Tension?

What is Tension?
What is Tension?

1 cute girl want a lift from you,

on the way she is not feeling well,

and you take her to the hospital,

Dr. Said - congrats! You became dad.

Now, you are in trouble.

You told the doctor that i am not the father of her child.

And girl said to doctor that he is the father of her child.

Again TENSION

Then police came and check your medical reports.

Reports said that you never became father.

Again Tension

And you said," thank God" and left from the hospital.

Then you think that the child which is playing in my house, who is the father of that child.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Please Give me Your Diamond Ring


Girl 2 boy- please give me your diamond ring, i will remember you when i see it.

Boy-you can remember me by that "i want that diamond ring, but he cannot give me".