Thursday, October 31, 2013

Cat To Elephant

Cat:" how old are u ??

Elephant:" 5 yrs...

Cat:" U luk big..

Elephant:" i m a COMPLAN BOY

Cat:" i m 20 yrs

Elephant:" But u luk small

Cat:" PONDS MIRACLE, BADHTI UMAR MANO THAM SI JAYE....

If You Are Not Happy Being Single

"If you are not happy being s¡ngle...
You will never be happy in a relationship."
LivE your own life 1st,
then try to SharE it wid sum1.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dear Mark Zukerberg



Dear Mark Zukerberg,
Facebook Doesn't Work Properly these days


Finally Time aa gaya,
OLX pe bech de..

Girl To Friend

GIRL : I'm So Proud Of My Boyfriend

Friend : Why ??

GIRL : Because He Got Drunk & Didn't Recognize Me

Friend : Why Are You Proud Of That

GIRL : Because I Tried To Take Off His Shirt & He Said " HEY STOP ", I Have A Girlfriend

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Today's Reality

Today's Reality :-

Big House
Small Family

More Degrees
Less Common Sense

Advanced Medicine
Poor Health

Touched Moon
Neighbours Unknown

High Income
Less peace of Mind

High IQ
Less Emotions

Good Knowledge
Less Wisdom

Number of affairs
No true love

Lot of friends on Facebook
No best friend

More alcohol
Less water

Lots of Human
Less Humanity

Costly Watches
But No time.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Dear Boys

DEAR BOYS

Ladkion ke Chakkar Mein Mat Padna
Dosto
Kyun ki
Ye Aati Hain HEER Ki Tarha
Lagti Hain KHEER Ki Tarha
Chubhti Hain TEER Ki Tarha
Or End Mein Haalat Kar Deti Hain FAKEER Ki Tarha..

Diwali Tips

Diwali Tips . . . .

Aapke gf/bf ke diye huye aur aapke chhupaye huye photos/love letters/gifts utha lo varna...

Ghar ki saaf-safayi karte samay aapki mummy ko wo sab mil sakta hai...

Aur

Uske baad aapke ghar mein diwali se pehle hi patakhe fut sakte hain.

Janhit mein jaari.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Engineering Student To a Girl

Engineering student to a girl-.

Student : Mere pass intelligence hai,
sense of humour hai,
tumhaare pass kya hai??

Girl : I am hot

Student : le toh phir yeh cigarette hi jala de is gareeb ki.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Wife Said During Karwachouth

Wife said during Karwachouth : chota mota hi sahi, par gold ka kuch la do.......

Husband
: "Ye le Choti gold flake"

Monday, October 21, 2013

Real Names of Bollywood Stars

Real names of Bollywood stars

Aamir Khan – Aamir Hussain Khan
Ajay Devgan – Vishal Devgan
Ajit – Hamid Ali Khan
Akshay Kumar – Rajiv Bhatia
Amitabh Bachchan – Amit Srivastav
Ashok Kumar – Kumud Ganguly
Bobby Deol – Vijay Singh Deol
Dev Anand – Devdutt Pishorimal Anand
Dharmendra – Dharam Singh Deol
Dilip Kumar – Yusuf Khan
Govinda – Govinda Arun Ahuja
Jeetendra – Ravi Kapoor
John Abraham – Farhan Abraham
Johnny Lever – Badruddin Qazi
Kamal Haasan- Alwarpettai Aandavar
Kumar Gaurav – Manoj Tulli
Lucky Ali – Maqsood Mehmood Ali
Madhubala – Mumtaz Jehan Begum Dehlavi
Mahima Chaudhry – Ritu Chaudhry
Mallika Sherawat – Reema Lamba
Manoj Kumar – Hare Krishna Goswami
Nana Patekar – Vishwanath Patekar
Raj Kumar – Kulbushan Pandit
Rajesh Khanna – Jatin Khanna
Rajnikant – Sivaji Rao Gaekwad
Rekha – Bhanurekha Ganesan
Salman Khan- Abdul Rashid Salim Salman Khan
Sanjeev Kumar – Haribhai Jarivala
Shammi Kapoor – Shamsher Raj Kapoor
Shashi Kapoor – Balbirraj Kapoor
Sunil Dutt – Balraj Dutt
Sunny Deol – Ajay Singh Deol
Tuntun - Uma devi

Tragedy of Married Men

Tragedy of MARRIED Men...

Biwi jeene nahi deti

Aur

Karva Chauth ka vrat rakh rakh ke Marne bhi nahi deti....

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Boy Insult Girl

Girl to her boyfriend: Is week roz movie dekhenge...
next week roz shopping karenge..

Boy: uske next week hum roz mandir jayenge

Girl: wo kyo???

Boy: bheek mangne..

Thursday, October 17, 2013

News Channels

A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!

He kicks the dog, it dies!

Newspapers report "LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM DOG"

Man says i'm not American

Report changed "Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"

Man says: Actually I'm Pakistani

Breaking News: "Terrorist killed Innocent Dog which was playing with a girl"

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Aasaram To Dhoni

Dhoni: meri biwi ko bacchaa nai ho raha hai kya karu??

Viru: boost de.

Salmaan: revital de.

Dada: sona chandi chyawanprash de.

Aasaram- ek mauka muje bhi de..

ACP To Boy

ACP to Boy : To tum is Ladki K Boyfriend Ho…

hmmm

DAYA : What.!! Ye Aap Kya Keh Rahe Hain Sir…
ye Uss Ladki Ka boyfrnd hai…..??

ACP : Haan Daya haan ye wahi hai uss ladki Ka Boyfrnd..

Abhijeet : Oh My God.. sir iska Matlab Ye Ladki iski Girlfriend hai…

Kajal : yes Sir iska matlab ye Dono ek dusre Ko jaante hain or pyar karte hain..

Monday, October 14, 2013

Dad To Jyotishi

DAD: Jyotishi ji mujhe kaise pata chal sakta hai ki mera beta future mein kya banega ?

JYOTISHI: aap uske table pe Cigarette, Beer, Paiso ki Gaddi aur Books rakh do. Unme se jo wo uthaega wahi banega.

DAD: ok

Agle din Beta Aaya.
Table dekhi.
Paiso ki Gaddi uthake jeb mein rakhi,
Cigarette pi,
Beer chhupa li,
Aur Books hath mein leke ghar se chala gaya.

DAD: Us nalayak ne to sab kuchh le liya!

JYOTISHI: Sir Mubarak Ho !!
Aapka beta ENGINEER banega!

Prove that 2/10=2

Prove that 2/10=2

Japanese student : Wrong question.

Pakistani student : No Way.

American student : It's strange, how is it possible?

Indian Student solved it : Two / Ten = wo / en (T with T cancel)

w = 23rd letter & o = 15th letter

e = 5th letter & n = 14th letter

So, 23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2

Maths ka itihaas hila dala Indians ne..!

Friday, October 11, 2013

A Heart Touching Message by a Woman

A heart touching message by a woman...

Some one asked her.......
Are you a working woman or a house-wife ??

She replied : Yes I am a full time working house-wife.

I work 24 hours a day.....
I'm a "mum",
I'm a wife,
I'm a daughter,
I'm a daughter-in-law.....
I'm an Alarm clock,
I'm a Cook,
I'm a Maid,
I'm a Teacher,
I'm a waiter,
I'm a nanny,
I'm a nurse,
I'm a handyman,
I'm a Security officer,
I'm a Counsellor,
I'm a comforter,
I don't get holidays,
I don't get sick leave,
I don't get day off......
I work through day and night.....
I'm on call......
all hours and get paid with a sentence.....
"what do you do all day"

Respect Your Mother

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Pappu Call to Radio Station

Pappu ne Live Radio Station call ki: Hello ji ye Radio station hai?

R.J: Haan.

Pappu: Meri aawaz pura shehar sun raha hai?

R.J: Haan

Pappu: Yaani ghar mein jo meri behan Radio sun rahi hai wo Bhi sun rahi hogi..???

R.J Ghusse se: Haaan..

Pappu: Hello Gullo! Agar meri aawaz sun rahi ho to jaldi se Motor chala do...!

Mein yahan ooper chhat par Bathroom mein hoon aur Paani khatam ho gaya hai...!!

Daaru Pee Ke Zindagi Diyan Problems

Daru pee ke zindagi diyan problems solve ni hundiyan,

but problems ta dudh pee ke v solve ni hundian.

so chakko glassy
burraaaaaaa........

Ek Ameer Ladki ko School Mein

Ek Ameer Ladki ko School mein “Gareeb Parivar” pe Essay Likhne ko Kaha Gaya..

Essay me usne Likha:
Ek Gareeb Parivar tha,
Pita Gareeb, Maa Gareeb, Bachche Gareeb.

Parivar mein 4 Naukar the, wo bhi Gareeb..

Car bhi Tooti hui SAFARI thi..

Unka Gareeb Driver Bachon ko Tooti Car mein School Chhod Ke Aata tha..

Bachon K paas Purane Samsung S3 Mobile the..

Bache Hafte mein 4 bar hi Chicken Khate the..

Ghar mein 4 hi 2nd Hand A.C. the..

Sara Parivar Badi Mushkil se Aish Kar raha tha….!!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

1 Handsome Boy Class Mein Aaya

1 Handsome Boy Class Mein Aaya….

Aur Saari Girls Dekhte Hi Deewani Ho gayi.

Fir Ladke Ne Aate Hi Kuch Kaha To Girls Behosh.

Socho Kya Kaha Hoga ??

Thodi Jagah Dena, behan ji Jhaadu Lagana hai.

“Berozgaari ki hadd hai!!”

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Teacher To Student

Teacher at class: suno bachcho kal tum logo ka group photo shoot hoga,, .
Sab log apne apne ghar se Rs. 50/-le kr aana,,

Pappu: "saala ye sab teacher logo ki mili bhagat hoti hai,,
Ek photo ke 20/- rupye lagte hai aur hum logo se 50_50 rupye liye ja rahe hain..
Matlab ek bachche se 30/- Rupye bachayenge matlab akele apni class me 60 bachche hai to 60*30=1800 Rs. .
khuli Loot macha rakhi hai in logo ne,,

Fir hamare paiso se ye sab staff room mein baith k samosa khayenge aur hum
bachchon ko milega Ghanta,,.
Chal bhai tappu ghar chalte hai kal mummy se Rs. 50/- le k aana,,

Bhalai ka to zamaa nahi nahi reh gaya,,

Pappu to mom: "Mummy kal school mein group photo shoot hona hai teacher ne Rs. 100/- rupye mangaye hain.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Earthquake of 10.8 rscale Has Hit South America

Earthquake of 10.8 rscale has hit south america..

Tsunami of 200 meter recorded in japan..

volcanic eruptions in europe & America...

Thats what I am watching in the movie "2012"..

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Teacher To Student

Teacher To Student: Can You Define Who Is LECTURER?

Student : A LECTURER is A Person Who Has A Very Bad Habit of Speaking When Someone Is SLeeping.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

5 Minutes

Punjab wich sabb to vadh bolya jaan wala word ..

Kithe aaa ?
Aaya bas 5 minute wich.

Kinna time lagna ?
bas 5 minute

Kinni ku door aaa ?
pahunch gaya bas 5 minute wich

No matter how far you are eh 5 min ni mukkde..

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram

Raghupati Raghav raja Ram,

patit pavan Sita Ram,

Sita Ram Sita Ram,

Bhaj pyare tu Sitaram,

Ishwar Allah tero naam,

Saab ko Sanmti de Bhagavan

Happy Gandhi Jayanti....!!

Do You Feel Lazy

1.Do you feel lazy to get up early in the morning?

2.Does a book work as a sleeping pill?

3.Attend classes only for attendance? ...

4. see the calendar for holidays?

5.cell in place of a pen?

If all above is happening with u congratulations!

U r a perfect student.

So Dont Worry, Be Happy

Just chant the Mantra:- "Kal Se Pakka Padhunga